A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
there is glitter all over my balls
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
