honey bunches of taint.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize