After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
