Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
