The maid of honor just puked.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
