It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
