3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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