just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
