My cat gives me a boner
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
