Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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