one two three fourrrrnication!
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
