I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Randomize
