Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Randomize
