What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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