no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
