he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
