Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
