You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
