Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
