All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
