Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize