I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
