everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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