He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
