I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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