Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
