so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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