So drunk its hurt
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
