she was so not down for the gang bang
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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