I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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