you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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