So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Randomize
