So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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