Don't EVER smell your tampon
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
