when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
