haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
