Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Last time i carry you out of a forest
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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