he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I don't deserve a penis
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize