Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
