Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
