I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
