how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
