I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
