they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
