Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize