I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
