I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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