you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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