i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
