i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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