I faked an abortion last night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
