there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
