The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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