I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We left the knife in your bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
