he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My vagina just recognized that song.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
