i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
well you can't waste a boner
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
