your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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