What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I did not marry a roomba.
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