Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
