I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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