I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
